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Are you having trouble navigating recent release announcements? Are you confused by the latest buzzwords? Do you find it a little unsettling that people are using words like "beautiful" to describe software, and wondering what it is that they truly mean?
I was, too! This is why I have decide to put together this handy guide which should hopefully save you a few minutes of confusion.
| What it says: | What it means: |
| Lightweight | Is about as capable as Notepad |
| Clean | (Of interfaces) has a toolbar of no more than six icons, all of which look the same. |
| Beautiful | Lightweight, with a clean interface |
| Professional | Somehow manages to look both boring *and* cartoon-like |
| Customizable | Lets you pick from eight accent colors |
| Highly customizable | Lets you pick any accent color you want, using a palette dialog that allows you to input RGB, HSV, CMYK and human-readable color values, but lacks a color picker. |
| Easy on the eyes | Low contrast ratio. Good luck reading it if you're over thirty. |
| Modern | Clean interface with huge, touch-sized widgets that nobody will ever touch. |
| Smooth | You can't turn off animations. Puke bag not included. |
| Native-looking | 1. (Of interfaces) has a default theme that looks like your host platform's interface two major releases ago, except it has the wrong fonts, icons, and widget sizes. Guess what happens if you drag-and-drop something to it! 2. This is actually Chrome with twenty megabytes' worth of JavaScript that breaks if you're offline. |
| Offline-first | Most of what you do will eventually sync once you're online again if you ignore the crashes. Also our privacy policy is 20% longer than our EULA. |
| Engaging | Four of our data processing partners may or may not be affiliated with the People's Liberation Army |
| Cloud-based | Our service is so engaging that we can afford a very comprehensive free tier in our subscription model. |
| Usability testing | We asked five interns and Jenny from HR how easy they find it to click these two buttons for no reason. |
| Metric-driven design | ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO ARGUE AGAINST SCIENCE????? |
| Privacy-focused | 1. (Of commercial software) we don't sell your data to advertisers, we just show you the ads ourselves. 2. (Of non-commercial software) Good luck setting this up. lol what manual. Lead developer may be on the FBI's watchlist. |
| Usability-focused | Modern, smooth, lightweight application. We got bored halfway through the MVP and we decided to call it 1.0. |
| Opinionated | Half the issues you open won't be fixed because it would go against our vision, the other half won't be fixed because they're not bugs, they're features, and there's nothing to fix. |
Glady I could be of assistance, mate!
